Open Mouth, Insert Foot.

The past two days I worked at the Javits Center at the Spa & Resort Expo & Conference.  A conference for folks who love beauty and medical treatments, along with your everyday Botox junkies.  (I can't even tell you how many scary Botox infused ladies, and men, I saw).

I was on the expo floor today walking around handing out flyers to the exhibitors.  One of the gentlemen told me that he unfortunately didn't enjoy this year's conference too much, it wasn't as big as last year, disappointed, blah blah.  I said "I'm sorry sir that it has been an unfortunate experience for you." ... or something along those lines to hopefully make him feel better.   Then I said, "So, what kind of product are you promoting?"  He told me how it was some sort of lazer buzz thingy that you put on your face, it helped take away wrinkles in minutes, yadda yadda.  Then, I say "oh, well, I'm one of those people that says just grow old gracefully anyways.  I'm getting older, but 'eh' whatever" .....

That's when I realized what I was saying....I was telling a guy at a spa & plastic face fest! that I thought folks should basically just go with the flow of aging!

oops! 

yeah, I won't be buying his product.

and, I didn't make him feel one bit better about his time at the show.

Dear Sir with the lazer face thingy : sorry I basically insulted your product.

Dear {you}....

The beginning of what I hope to continue...

"letters" to various moments of my life.

(here's some oldies)

Dear....

October '09 :: 

-Craigslist Scammers : you don't trick me!

-iPod Classic : stop playing the same songs over and over and over again...on shuffle!

-Other side of the tracks : I guess you're not so much "the other side of the tracks"

-Facebook : you seem to have broken since you, once again, changed the layout. thank you.

November '09 ::

-Blind Man : sorry I told you to 'watch your step' as I helped you across the street.

-Discount Website : you are not a discount website as your tickets aren't any cheaper than a regular website.

-Man in Elevator Lobby : I already pushed the elevator button, it is lit. you pressing it again, many times, will not make the elevator arrive.

-Customer Service : you outsourcing my call does not count as 'customer service'

-2009: thank you for being here for me and helping me laugh through everything, but now that you are almost over, I can NOT wait to put you behind me. bring it 2010!!!

December '09 ::

-Person using the dryer before me : check your pockets first, I could've stolen that 200 bucks! (but I didn't)

-Snow : two years in a row I miss my Christmas flight because of you!? come on!

-Ladies who wear heels in the snowy slush : what are you thinking?

January '10 ::

-Billing Agent : I can't pay the bill if you don't answer your phone or call me back!

-Stores within the depths of the NYC subway : how do you stay in business? who shops there?

February '10 ::

-Myspace : goodbye.

-Customer Service Rep : you do not know me. don't call me hon, sweetie, honey, sweets, doll...and anything else that is SO NOT professional!

-NYC : you smell like an old wet dog today.

March '10 ::

-Hershey's Syrup : stop tempting me with your chocolate milk goodness 

-Customer Service Rep : I am standing next to you, face to face! please don't tell me to 'call customer service' to help me with my issue!

-Customer Service Rep : I have been on hold with you for 20+ minutes just so you can fix what you already messed up on!? arg.

April '10 ::

-Beautician : I asked you to trim my hair, not cut off 3" and make it uneven with a Marsha Brady slope in the back.

May '10 ::

-Friends : your 4D baby pics are creeping me out.

-Home Depot : Just because I am a woman in your store does not mean I don't know what I'm doing...and it ESPECIALLY means I'm not there to pick guys up.

-People : is it too much to ask for you to do a job with ethical standards and at a top notch level?

-NYers : please look up when texting and do not run into me.

June '10 ::

-Old Women who shop in Forever 21 : don't.

-20 year old intern new to NYC with your hands full : it's not such a wise idea to carry 7 Starbucks drinks in their nice little carries and leave the last/8th slot open to carry your iPhone and credit card.

-Zac Efron and HSM : you have nothing on the old school awesomeness of "Grease"

July '10 ::

-Big Man with Lots of Hair and a Beer Belly: Just because it is a million degrees outside doesn't mean you don't need to wear a shirt.

-Woman pushing the stroller : don't put all of the groceries on the stroller canopy, just above the kid's head.

-Kid in line for Shakespeare in the Park tix: Yes, this play will be "all in that, like, Shakespeare language".

-Man with Stroller : You can not push the stroller through a revolving door. thank you.

-Woman trying to get in the elevator in the lobby : Just hold your horses! You think I wanna get back on this thing and ride back up with you!?

Overheard on the Subway...

A conversation I overheard on the subway train today...
Man on his phone:
"Hey man! What's up!?
Yeah, I'm late. Sorry.
Train...Ya know!!!?
Yeah, Yeah, I'll be there soon though!
In about 45 minutes or so."

45 minutes!?
"soon" ???
really?

The 99¢ Menu

When on the subway recently I saw an ad that read: "Take your date somewhere that doesn't have a 99¢ menu." EB Games. My intitial thought when I read this was..."YES! of COURSE you don't take a date to a place that has a 99¢ menu! Isn't that a common known fact? You take them somewhere a bit nicer...even if (in suburbia) it is a TGI Friday's." However, when further reading this ad, I realized exactly what kind of company this was---EB Games is: an Electronics Boutique that offers a large selection of new, used & hard to find titles at great prices with fast processing & shipping. (info blurb taken from google.com) With this I came to my own conclusion that the ad was saying "take your date to a video game store instead of the place with the 99¢ menu." Then I thought...uh NO! you do NOT take your date to a video game store either!!! Gentleman, gentleman...I sure do hope that with the influence of the media ads like this that you do not think that it is OK to take your date to a place with a 99¢ menu or even a video game store. Even if you're broke...be creative! Pack a picnic, go somewhere to people watch & make stories up of the people you're seeing, go for a walk...there are many alternatives to spending money on a date. (shoot, I'm even a gal who will help pay for the bill...the man does not always have to get it). I will say yes...it is nice to be taken somewhere amazing & romantic & lovely...but it is not always necessary to spend lots of major bucks on a date. Along with this goes the simple gesture of chivalry .... it goes a LONG way...you can try to woo & wow with the lobster dinner on the sea, but if you don't have even a bit of chivalry, you don't have much. (I am fortunate to have gentlemen in my life exemplify this & it is a nice gesture). All of this said...be gentleman & put in a little thought to what you are offering your woman, otherwise you could be eating your 99¢ burger alone while playing Frogger.

It's not raining.

A few things that I have come to realize as truths while living in NYC: you will know who the homeless person is on your corner & start to worry about them when they are not there. You know you have a good deal when you pay $850 a month for a 'cozy' 1BR apartment. And people will use their umbrella when it is not raining. Yesterday, it rained. But it only lasted for about an hour... a little humid shower when, yes, we did need our umbrellas. However, after this little pour was over I was walking around & people were STILL using the umbrellas. It's as if people think that if it was raining when they got on the subway... that of COURSE it's still raining when they get off. They don't even check to see if the rain has stopped, they just automatically put up their umbrella. This becomes especially annoying when coming home at rush hour & you can't get around Mr. Suit & his big massive golf umbrella that will fit 4 of his buddies underneath there with him. (even if it was raining, this umbrella....still way to big for NYC streets). Seems that people see the wet ground so they think "clearly I need to use my umbrella!" Just because the ground is wet, you do not need your umbrella. The doorman may have cleaned the sidewalks with the hose...you do not need an umbrella. An air conditioner may be dripping from the apartment above...you do not need an umbrella. Someone may have dropped & spilled their coffee outside of Starbucks...you do not need an umbrella. Please people please....check to see if it's raining before you open up the umbrella, you don't need it when it's not.

Can't we all just get along...

I am one of many people who HAS to ride the subway in the morning during rush hour...we all have to do it. Yet there is always one CRAZY lady (& I mean crazy-- malicious, impudent, Jezebel) who thinks she owns the subway & will do everything in her power to manipulate her teeny amount of space on the train car. She will push, she will yell, she will give you a dirty gaze in attempt to scare you, she will even stand wider than she is in order for you to not get into her space. And, yes, she will likely win. Why will she win?...because if she doesn't we have to endure more of her maliciousness & who wants that? We are packed in like sardines, there is nowhere to go & we all have a destination...lady, you are NOT the only one on the train, not by a long shot. The train has problems: it will make you late, it will stop & you will be left stranded, it will suddenly change route without notice, there are too many people & not enough trains....but lady, please just keep your cool & help make the commute a little bit more enjoyable for the rest of us. Since we have been subject to being stuck on the car with you. Thank you.